UPGRADED

I was cautiously optimistic going into this one. Despite its contrived premise the reviews from both critics and the public seemed positive.

Unfortunately however these reviews seem indicative not of the films overall quality, but a general lowering of expectations when it comes to rom-coms. 

Because it’s terrible. In almost every way. 

Ana (Camila Mendes) is a fashion house intern desperate to graduate from her training programme and one day open her own gallery. 

After spotting a mistake made by one of her colleagues Ana is rewarded by her horrible boss Claire (Marisa Tomei) - a HR tribunal waiting to happen -  with a work trip to London.

Due to some convoluted reasons involving colleagues Suzette and Renee (think a human version of The Lady and the Tramps Siamese Cats) Ana’s flight is pushed back and she is compensated with an upgrade to first class.

Here she meets Will (Archie Renaux), a living embodiment of upper class British stereotypes. The kind of toff that exists only in Made in Chelsea but who American film producers think gallop around the British isles with gay abandon and salmon chinos.

Perhaps a night on the Bigg Market would open the eyes of Hollywood execs?

At one point Will proclaims to Ana “Being English is my only card with you, isn’t it”? Which is fortuitous as it is literally is only personality trait.

Now, because this is a rom-com, Ana can’t just have a normal conversation with Will. Instead she claims to be the head of her fashion house. A lie which naturally takes on a life of its own.

The inevitability of this ever increasing lie catching up on her makes most of the remaining run time hard to enjoy. The cringe of it all, and the predictability in how things unfold, takes away from any entertainment you might find.

Almost every side character in this has an irredeemably awful personality. The American faction walk all over people, sabotaging them to get what they want, and the Brits ooze so much privilege I began to pray for Barry Keoghan to turn up.

All of this is played for laughs but I just found it utterly demoralising to watch. This, coming just months after something as scathing of the social classes as Saltburn, felt so unbelievably out of touch.

And speaking of laughs, I managed one. In the entire overblown runtime. And this was at a crude knob gag. Upgraded just doesn’t seem to have any idea how to be funny.

Case in point, as part of the cast they have Derry Girls Saoirse-Monica Jackson as Anas fellow intern. Jackson is an incredibly gifted comedy performer, yet Upgraded completely wastes her. She is hardly in the film (confined only to a few scenes either side of the London trip), and when she is she cannot rescue the ham fisted dialogue that she is given.

She is someone who could have elevated this car crash to something more that it is, but she is sidelined.

As the film progresses the levels of self absorption on show is crushingly depressing. The moral of this story appears to be that the rich will get richer, and treating people horribly will get you exactly what you want. Hooray.

Honestly, I’m interested in neither of these things. 

The only person in the film that we see get any kind of comeuppance is pretty much the only person we didn’t see do anything wrong. Sure, his awfulness is alluded to, and he’s clearly presented as the villain, but when we have such awfulness on full display from almost everyone else it’s hard to get behind.

The only thing that Upgraded does well is the chemistry between its two leads. Camila Mendes and Archie Renaux banter well off each other, and it can be fun to see, especially in those early scenes on the plane. 

But their chemistry is rarely allowed the time or space to bloom, as director Carlson Young has seemingly decided that this plot strand should play second fiddle to the workplace comedy happening around it. 

And that’s fine, you can have a workplace comedy - Upgraded actually does that slightly better than it does the romance - but this is billed as a rom-com. And surely a pre-requisite of being a rom-com is that the audience should care about the central romance. 

Which they can’t here because it’s barely shown. Ana actually seems to spent more time with Wills overbearing mother Catherine (Lena Olin) than she does Will himself. 

Upgraded marks another low point for the rom-com genre. It is poorly written and put together, and does not know how to handle either the romantic or the comedy elements. From it’s convoluted meet cute, to its tortuous climax this is one that is hard to root for.