BORDERLANDS

The Borderlands video games, for those unfamiliar with them, are ultra-stylised and cartoony.   This was a deliberate decision by the developers in order to provide more detail to the weapons and the environments. 

Part of the point of Borderlands is that it is not realistic. Fans of the game like the style because it has eschewed the modern gaming tendency to go for realism, and instead have created a style and world that feels unique.

Why then the film makers decided to create a live action version of the game is anyones guess. 

I’m not particularly a fan of the games myself, but this decision was an immediate red flag. It was a clear indication that the people in charge of the film did not understand the game or its fans.

So who is it for? Fans of the game probably won’t want to watch it - and those that do will likely be annoyed by it - and, as I will get to, its overall lack of quality will be unlikely to attract new fans to the games. 

So who was it made for?

The film itself is a mess. A ragtag group of misfits come together to travel across the wastelands of Pandora on a mission to access an inconsequential macGuffin that I’ve already forgotten. 

There’s attempts at witty banter. There’s attempts at jokes. There’s attempts at fast paced action. There’s attempts at world building. 

None of it works.

It is like someone ordered Guardians of the Galaxy from Temu.

(Theres even a moment where they burst out of a creature from within. Feel familiar?)

The banter feels strained and unnatural. The jokes fall flat. The action is forgettable. And the world building is inconsequential.

It has a good cast, but they are all wasted.

Jack Black is here as Claptrap, but why they got Jack Black to voice the character - other than the fact that they could then put his name on the poster - is unclear. He doesn’t sound like Jack Black, he sounds like Claptrap. If you didn’t already know it was Black you wouldn’t realise from watching it. 

Cate Blanchett as Lilith tries her best but her character is so one dimensional, so poorly written, that she can’t save it.

The action is, in places well choreographed. The problem is that the editing is so choppy that it is almost impossible to notice it. The camera barely lingers on one moment long enough to get any kind of perspective on what’s happening where, or give you a real sense of the capabilities of the characters. 

As an aside, a few nights ago I watched Kingsman: The Secret Service, which is a perfect example of exactly how to do it. The action there is fast paced, and expertly choreographed, but the editing is so much better. You get a sense of the geography of the fight scenes, and each shot lasts long enough for you to get an understanding of the characters fighting style, what they are capable of, and what is happening in the moment.

There’s none of that in Borderlands. Each fight scene is just an amalgamation of nondescript gunfire and explosions. A further indication that the filmmakers had no idea what to do with this franchise.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t have high expectations when I went into Borderlands. My hope was that it would just pass the time.

And it did. Technically. 

In the same way that a rectal cavity search would pass the time. Time would definitely pass. The clock showed later coming out than it did going in. But none of it was enjoyable. And I wouldn’t necessarily want to repeat the experience. 

So save yourself the bother. 

Watch Guardians of the Galaxy instead.