BAD BOYS: RIDE OR DIE

Bad Boys: Ride or Die is exactly what you expect it to be. And I guess that’s a compliment.

Do you love Bad Boys films? Then you’ll love this. Do you hate Bad Boys films? Then you’ll hate this. Do you kind of like Bad Boys films but are unable to quite put your finger on why? Then you’ll kind of like this, but will be unable to quite put your finger on why.

I fall into the latter category.

By all critical markers it is crap. The dialogue is awful, the acting is poor, and the plot is, at times, completely nonsensical. 

It makes no lasting impression on your memory, fails to get the blood pumping, and its themes of love and family are so lazily put together that it fails to tug a single heartstring.

It is a popcorn movie in the sense that it is mass produced, not particularly nice, but we will chow down on it regardless.

Yet, like popcorn, I still had a good time with it. 

Why did I have a good time with? Couldn’t tell you. Which, admittedly, isn’t helpful in a review.

I laughed at some of the jokes - again, couldn’t tell you why - and found some of the action set pieces to be well put together, if a little cold and sterile.

So why did I have a good time? Literally the only thing I can think of is that I had had a long day at work. And this is, if nothing else, something to switch off too.

It requires no thought and no emotional or critical engagement. Bad Boys: Ride or Die requires the least effort from an audience that it is possible to give in the cinema.

It asks you just to sit back and look at it. It doesn’t matter if you’re not taking anything in, because it doesn’t expect to live long in the memory. It exists purely to exist. 

And that’s all I have. This review is barely worth putting out into the world.

For some reason, I had fun. And this time next week I will have forgotten all about it. 

Maybe at some point in the future I’ll pick it up again. And I’m sure I’ll have fun. And then a week later I’ll have forgotten all about it. 

And that’s it.

What have we learnt? Absolutely nothing. 

I think writing this review is the closest to an existential crisis that I’ve come.

…

… 

Bye.